I have become "depressing to talk to"

[schwung]

I spoke to an old horse friend of mine the other day, she is the lady I bought my Slam from. She is just getting back into riding after a long haitus. She lost her confidence with Slam and was afraid to ride him but is now looking to spend $35K on a 17.1h Hanoverian. Anyway, she wants to tell me about it and admittedly I have a hard time coming up with any enthusiasm about this horse (who she is completely unsuited for - I am not being green-eyed here, maybe in a few years, but I doubt this woman has any aspirations to ever compete, so I can't imagine why she would want a horse like this, she needs an older schoolmaster to learn on and build her confidence on..). Anyway, I listened to her for a while and then I tell her about what I am up to, told her about the WTBA sale because she used to be involved in TB breeding and thought she would be interested. Told her two mares out of Skywalker were there (1/2 sibling to my Slam), only one sold, for $6k. And how sad it was that there were so many mares and young horses that went for less than $500 and some of them probably went to kill buyers.

She told me she had a hard time talking to me anymore because it was depressing. And that I was miserable and had lost my love of horses. I got pretty angry at that point and told her that I love my horses very much and signed off (and I very nearly said something like "just because I find the fact that you are considering paying $35K for a horse completely unsuitable for you completely abominable considering how many nice quality horses are going to slaughter, doesn't mean I don't love horses anymore...").

I know a lot of my old dressage friends look at me like I have lost my marbles or something. But you know, I have always loved horses. Not warmbloods or dressage horses, just horses. It can be black, brown, grey, or purple for that matter. It can be the ugliest thing you ever laid eyes on. Doesn't matter to me. So to me what I am doing now is a natural extension of true self...not this evil metamorphosis that others see as having taken over. I don't know how to convince them I haven't gone off the deep end, when no one wants to talk about horse slaughter anymore.

[ladyrebeljet]

you know what? You dont have to convince them of anything. If what you are doing makes you feel good, and you can know in your heart that you are making a huge difference in the lives of SO many, human and equine.. then what does it matter what some narrow minded people think?

We know you love horses, you cant possibly do rescue if you arent there and in it 100 percent, its just too hard otherwise.


the omly other thing I can offer is a ((HUG)) Im not very good with words, so Ill just leave it at that.

[falseimpression]

I am shaking my head!!! wow! She thinks you don't love horses because you are not ready to spend 35K on one? but spend your waking hours trying to save as many of them from slaughter? In my book, you are the one who loves horses... she just loves the status they bring her...
I, for one, think you measure your love for someone or some animals by your actions not by your pocket book...
Jaime, I don't know of many people who love horses more than you do and do more than you do.. oh, and just to think what 35K could do for rescued horses..
Chin up friend... there is no doubt in our minds!!!
still shaking my head...

[gwenrowdy]

falseimpression said:

I am shaking my head!!! wow! She thinks you don't love horses because you are not ready to spend 35K on one? but spend your waking hours trying to save as many of them from slaughter? In my book, you are the one who loves horses... she just loves the status they bring her...
I, for one, think you measure your love for someone or some animals by your actions not by your pocket book...
Jaime, I don't know of many people who love horses more than you do and do more than you do.. oh, and just to think what 35K could do for rescued horses..
Chin up friend... there is no doubt in our minds!!!
still shaking my head...

[twhgal]

gwenrowdy said:

falseimpression said:

I am shaking my head!!! wow! She thinks you don't love horses because you are not ready to spend 35K on one? but spend your waking hours trying to save as many of them from slaughter? In my book, you are the one who loves horses... she just loves the status they bring her...
I, for one, think you measure your love for someone or some animals by your actions not by your pocket book...
Jaime, I don't know of many people who love horses more than you do and do more than you do.. oh, and just to think what 35K could do for rescued horses..
Chin up friend... there is no doubt in our minds!!!
still shaking my head...

Ditto!
I think we all have the problem, because we talk about a very sad subject that most people want to pretend doesn't exist.

[gwenrowdy]

Jaime, if you are making your old friends uncomfortable it is because they don't want to deal with the issue and very likely have contributed to the problem. I have a friend a work who, like me, is also a middle-aged, lifelong horse lover who is my desk-neighbor and is well aware of my feelings on the subject. She kiddingly calls me "depressing" at times, but I know she respects the fact that I won't stick my head in the sand about slaughter. She'll say things like "I'm going to watch a horse show...oh, that's right, you're going to say you don't enjoy horse shows because you know so many of them will end up in the slaughterhouse eventually" Well, they probably will! She also says: "you're not seeing the good side of it (the horse industry) only the sad side". I've told her I know she's right but I absolutely can't and won't ignore the misery that I know is out there. As for her own horsey experience, she takes lessons at a hoity-toity stable and I enjoy listening to her stories about the b.o./riding instructor who doesn't think sobriety is a necessity at lesson time. I think I've done a good job of educating her (hee-hee) and she has said that when she meets her lifelong dream of sharing a small farm with a horse of her own, she would be interested in fostering a rescue horse. I think the best we can do to educate other horse people is to get our opinions in now and then and to set a good example.

[lildunhorse]

I know the feeling, Jaime. People actually run from me when they see me in the grocery store! LOL.
No one stops by my desk to talk to me anymore. The story about Sarah, I think, did them in. They all stopped listening before I got to the very happy ending.

[gypsygirl]

Jamie I am new on this board and this is just my opinion. Usually I don't say very much, but I felt very bad for you when I read this thread. So here is my opinion for whatever it's worth, take what you like and leave the rest.

I tried to think of a good analogy to use to explane to you another way of reaching these people who are unable to sift through someones feelings and motivations. I am not getting into religion at all here, it just serves as a good example of what I am trying to say. People that believe in God want to help others to see what they see and experience what they have so that they may understand why they are doing what they are doing. They are not to judge, nor try to change that person, but rather just plant a seed of thought to pursue on their own. They must do this very gracefully to become the right kind of example for their cause. They want that person to see the good things it has done for them, and to be a light sort of speak to let people see how good it can make you feel to be doing this certain thing. And even though there are hard times and ugly moments that make you feel angry or sad, that is not what the new person will be drawn to. They will be drawn to your happieness and your glow of accoplishment for what you have found and achieved under this concept you have embrased. It is very hard to read people at first to know if you are to shower them with all the details or just sprinkle them with a bit of it until they are understanding of what the whole thing is really about and then they are able to focus on what needs to be done. So maybe if you are a light of the good things you do for these horses and the success stories, accomplishments, the grouping of people and their victories, the fullfillment of group successes and how they fuel the next breath of air you breath, and leave the real ugly stuff for later, then you might be able to reach these kinds of people as well and they will not be left to their own thoughts of WOW why does Jamie put herself in all of this sadness, I don't want to be sad, and then they just put it out of their minds. These are the people that need to see the joys up front and the victories that keep us all going and they will then maybe say to themselves WOW look at Jamie go, she's on a roll again, she just loves saving those poor horses, it makes her feel so good to do what she does, mabey I will take a closer look at this horse rescue thing! I believe that all people are capable of compassion, it's just that some people can't read between the lines or have the ability to sift through and understand that this does bring it's joys and uplifting moments of victory. I know it it hard to put on a happy face on when you have just seen an ugly thing, but if you are strong enough to be at the lots where this all takes place I have a lot of confidence in you that you will find the strenghth to put on your happy face for these lost people so that they see and feel what you do. Not very many people find it in themselves to pursue a passion Jamie, but you have. Unfortunatley your passion contains an ugly side to every smile, so you must reach deep inside every time and pull your smiles out. It will not only help these hard to reach people but it will also help you along as well. We must make the small victories last as long and feel as powerful as the ugly ones otherwise we loose our lights! Hang in there kiddo I see your light and so do a lot of others. And when you come accross these harder people, well you'll just have to come off your duracells and hook up to the Nuclear power plant

For what it's worth, Amy

[lessonlearned]

I ride at an eventing barn. The people there love their horses very much and they receive the best of care (only one person at the barn has a chiropractor -- all of the horses do ). But I often get the impression that horses are a means to and end -- bigger fences, more skill, more glory. . .

Someone asked me the other day about when I would consider a "move up" horse and I said 1) I am not ready for that and 2) I would have to think about what I could afford because I would never sell Fisher. She was shocked and asked why. I said that there were too many things that could happen if he were to leave my care (like slaughter). The most I would consider is a lease situation to the right person. She chuckled and said -- that would never happen to a horse like Fisher. I was apparently reading too many "bleeding hearts" websites. Only crazy and unsound horses go to slaughter, right? I told her about CBER, about MHA, about Twist, about Stace and Alor, about Castanet (Tulip). And yes, I did also tell her about Sarah and Redmond, and Mary's Serenity.

I'm sure it was a "depressing" conversation, but a much needed one. So many people in the horse world view these wonderful animals as disposable commodities. And so many more don't have any idea what can happen to their beloved friends down the road.

If we have to be depressing to talk to so that people will realize what can happen to horses (even $35K ones), so be it.

[Nikki]

Amen everyone! Every time people ask me where my horses come from I have to go into this long, probably boring spiel about where they really came from, and why they ended up at this horrible place, the feedlot. Most people have no idea what the heck a "feedlot" even is, or what the end result of a feedlot is.

I know to my friends I sound like the crazy horse lady every time I bring up the save a horse topic, but if it is something you believe in then it shouldn't matter. I really think that people don't want to face the reality of what really happens to all of these unwanted animals, horses, dogs, cats, birds, whatever. So when we bring up the topic of horse slaughter, it makes people responsible in a small way. Ya know that whole ignorance is bliss saying, well sometimes it really is... I for one can't imagine paying $35,000 for a horse, that is absolutely insane! I won't even buy a stupid car for that much. Imagine how many horses you could save with that much money...

I do admit that I find my self biting my tongue a lot around other people, especially my boyfriend's friends. They are big into horse racing, and betting. I have said a few things about what I think about those poor horses, but for the most part I leave it alone... I just like to drop hints (it's my specialty) about what happens to those horses after their racing career is over, and that they have spent their whole life making other people money only to be dumped when they aren't winning. So sad, and angering.... Thankfully we are all here for the same purpose, To pick up the slack where others have dropped it..

My boyfriend used to ask me why I take all of the reject animals? and I respond by saying, "well someone has to because they need a home too." For some reason the ones no one else want, I want because they really tug at my heart..

[sbhr]

I love what Gypsygirl said...she's right.

I would also add that people like to do what they like to do....to hell with the consequences! Often times, it's those people who force them to see the 'sad side' that makes them feel guilty. Guilt = anger alot of times. Sadly, that anger is often directed at the one that made them feel guilty.

I try and talk about the victories...and when asked will talk about the hows and whys of the 'business'. It keeps people interested.

(((((((( hugs ))))))) to you Jamie. If it weren't for us 'depressing' people, no one would have ever gotten angry enough to be a catalyst for change.

Keep on keepin on!


kim

[lildunhorse]

youngnm19 said:

My boyfriend used to ask me "why I take all of the reject animals?" (

Honey made the mistake of asking me the same question. I told him "For the same reason you're here. No one else wanted you."

He's learned to be quiet. ;D

[Nikki]

lildunhorse said:

youngnm19 said:

My boyfriend used to ask me "why I take all of the reject animals?" (

Honey made the mistake of asking me the same question. I told him "For the same reason you're here. No one else wanted you."

He's learned to be quiet. ;D

I am going to have to use that if he ever asks me that again.... I love that response!! ;D Thanks for making me laugh this morning...

[diamondindykin]

;D

lildunhorse said:

youngnm19 said:

My boyfriend used to ask me "why I take all of the reject animals?" (

Honey made the mistake of asking me the same question. I told him "For the same reason you're here. No one else wanted you."

He's learned to be quiet. ;D

LOL!! You are so hilarious LDH ;D

[falseimpression]

Thanks LilDun... that is an excellent line... it made my day!!